Home

Using a hair clip I gently twist the lock, it just feels like something that needs to be done gently. As soon as I open the door I breathe it in. Goose. My baby. The scent just fills her abandoned room. I don't go there often, only when enough "things" have gathered and I know it is time to. Her things. Her animals. And dolls. And toys. Clothes. Blankets. Everything we have left of her physical life is here. Waiting. Who knows for how long. Months. Years. Forever? I'm not sure there will ever come a day when I feel it is ok to bother it. The thought of packing any of it gives me mini panic attacks. The kids will be ok to share rooms. After all, it's Lucy's room. Even to them. I worry the day may come though, when I open the door and I won't smell my baby. And I don't quite know what that day will mean. But for now I can say with near unwavering certainty here is where I am going to live out my days. Because here is Goose's home. Here is where I can go and smell my little girl's presence. So here I will stay.