One month

One month. 

For one month I have been the mother of a child no longer here on Earth.

For one month my soul has wanted nothing to do with this world while my physical body has been forced to keep going every day for the four children I have living. 

For one month I have questioned the idea of faith. Questioned the idea of God. Who does this to an innocent child? Who forces a child to fight for months and then steals her in the night?

For one month I have had to pull myself out of the daily whirlpool of what-ifs. Reminding myself that there is literally nothing I can do to save my baby now.

For one month I have been tortured by headlines of other lost children and how their last days were filled with "one mores" because my baby didn't have that. We didn't get that.

For one month I have been so grateful for Goose's love of the camera and my love of documenting her. While she is no longer here with me, I fill the void with playback of all the moments I had with her. Most good, some painful, and every one of them tear-inducing.

For one month. 30 days. 714 hours. My child has been gone.

The last photo I have of Goose before she was intubated.