One year later: Mortality
One year ago today we thought our Goose was days from leaving us.
I stood, crumbling on the inside, as our surgeon told us that he was going to do everything he could but we had to find the source or it was all for not.
We were just one month into a battle against cancer, a battle we had been assured would be won.
She had a 90%+ survival rate.
We had barely started that journey, and here we were.
Facing the possibility of losing our child.
I was not scared before that moment.
I knew my girl was weaved from a different thread.
She wouldn't go down without a fight.
That wasn't her style.
But this was different.
It felt like reality crushing down on me.
My invincible girl was, perhaps, not.
The nearly 24 hours of uncertainty that passed from the moment Molitor uttered those words were, to that moment, the worst of my life.
But in dramatic Goose fashion she showed us what we knew to be true.
In the middle of the night, naturally.
Because clearly she didn't fit a mold.
My Goosey's invincibility level was rising.
She was lulling us into a false sense of security.
A confidence that set us up for an even harder fall just 4 months later.
4 months and 3 days later when I expected a repeat.
Goose just being difficult.
Keeping us on our toes.
I never dreamed that the worst-case scenario she had triumphed was about to become a brutual reality.
Just this time in hours, not days.
I stood, crumbling on the inside, as our surgeon told us that he was going to do everything he could but we had to find the source or it was all for not.
We were just one month into a battle against cancer, a battle we had been assured would be won.
She had a 90%+ survival rate.
We had barely started that journey, and here we were.
Facing the possibility of losing our child.
I was not scared before that moment.
I knew my girl was weaved from a different thread.
She wouldn't go down without a fight.
That wasn't her style.
But this was different.
It felt like reality crushing down on me.
My invincible girl was, perhaps, not.
The nearly 24 hours of uncertainty that passed from the moment Molitor uttered those words were, to that moment, the worst of my life.
But in dramatic Goose fashion she showed us what we knew to be true.
In the middle of the night, naturally.
Because clearly she didn't fit a mold.
My Goosey's invincibility level was rising.
She was lulling us into a false sense of security.
A confidence that set us up for an even harder fall just 4 months later.
4 months and 3 days later when I expected a repeat.
Goose just being difficult.
Keeping us on our toes.
I never dreamed that the worst-case scenario she had triumphed was about to become a brutual reality.
Just this time in hours, not days.
So here I mark the one year anniversary of realizing that we could in fact lose a child.
Our bubble was being poked that day.
In the coming months we would see that bubble repaired and reinflated before ultimately bursting.
Taking our Goose in its wake.
And reminding us that there are no guarantees in this wretched world.
My child, my baby girl, through all her triumphant battles was still merely mortal.
Our bubble was being poked that day.
In the coming months we would see that bubble repaired and reinflated before ultimately bursting.
Taking our Goose in its wake.
And reminding us that there are no guarantees in this wretched world.
My child, my baby girl, through all her triumphant battles was still merely mortal.
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| Just 4 days later, June 25th, back on the 7th floor out of the PICU. Shooting us with her PICC line, showing us there was no holding her back. |
